The Kisses on Earth
by fabercastel
Summary: A series of one-shots with images and moments of fantastical lands and unexpected adventures. First chapter is a love scene, cause, well, is there a better way to start anything? Writing practice, may one day come together in a full story. Please read and review, critics make for better writers!
1. Chapter 1

Moonlight bathed the mystifying city of Babylon. Under the silver veil, the walls, the shadows looked oddly animated, as if the city itself could seize you like you no more had neither weight, nor the will to say no. A King was standing by the granite windowsill overlooking the great and glorious wonder he had earned today. He too was shrouded in the white afterglow of the night, and looked now like he had merged with his conquest like the flesh to a bone. He sighted profoundly and turned to the sumptuous bed that laid in the middle of the high-ceilinged chamber. Hephaistion was sitting, half lying there, gazing at him torridly. It took little time for the pride in his chest to become a sizzling longing in his skin. Alexander walked to the bed and stretched his hand out to his lover's face. Hephaistion felt the tender touch driving him with the force of a million hard wires, to the riveting, old encounter, and the touches became many. Alexander slid his hands from the face to the arms and to the sides of his lover's body and recognized the tizzy and the maddening heart-beat that raged under his palms.

"I was thinking of kissing you since the moment I entered the city" he murmured breathing air from the lascivious lips which now adorned his bed, his palace, his conquest. It seemed right that moment as if they adorned the whole world.

"No you didn't" came the answer from his friend. Alexander gave him a tired smile, ignoring his lover's disbelief, and surrounded him with his arms. He wanted to say to him _I love you_, but it wasn't like them to speak such thoughts out loud. A habit of caution bourn no doubt from a life of military toil. As that came too close to his fiercely beating heart, no other sound, nor thought entered his mind but the taste of Hephaistion's salty skin, the way his lover bent his head to the left, the way those legs of his twined around his waist, and locked together tightly their aching, burning flesh. Hephaistion pulled him onto him and Alexander shuddered. He deepened his kiss and toughened his grip on Hephaistion's shoulders. Sighs and moans hit him like a heat wave. He left the gorgeous body underneath him to take his clothes off and then went back and wrapped his arms around him tightly once more. Hephaistion felt like he was coming undone. Alexander held him tightly and kissed him affectionately, and he felt this contact with him all the more strongly when he pushed inside him. It was a wonderful sensation to be pushed and pulled, crushed under the strength of a warm pressure and caresses so direct that wouldn't leave in his mind any doubt that he was indeed being touched.

Alexander sank his palms into the bouncy surface of Hephaistion's sides and a devious smile came up in his lips when the other slid his gorgeous arms around his shoulders.

"Hold me tighter" he whispered against Phai's flustered cheeks. His love sighed and smiled. He looked happy. Alexander couldn't quite understand that feeling. He fought and he won, but he never quite felt that ecstatic joy that he saw in his lover's face right now. _So be it_, he thought, _Hephaistion laughs, there is something right with this world_. And, closing his eyes, he sunk in a daze of scalding passions.


	2. People have to be free

_For Anastasia_

_who is irreplaceable_

_just the way she is._

Hephaistion pinned his stare at the congruous proportions of the firm and lofty tower that was being built before him. His eyes meticulously supervised the construction. Like a hawk searching the ground for lizards, he searched the fortified wall for errors. The sky was rainy, a weather he hated as it cast a dull light on everything. As he changed position, a misaligned stone fell to his attention. He walked rapidly, almost enthralled, towards the irritating rock. Many layers of stones were already placed on top of it, and it was nearly impossible to see how such small a mistake could cause a problem, but in his mind the future unraveled like a story he knew from memory: the rain, which in this retched part of the world was ample, would inescapably one day dislodge the misaligned rock. The column would fall and it would have to be built again. Hephaistion felt the rage sluice out of his brain like a lava river. The nerves in his hands shook tremendously. He wanted to seize the architect and yell at him till the next dawn. But he restrained himself. It wouldn't do any good anyway. It was impossible to correct the mistake now and his reprimanding wouldn't have any gravity as his profession was not in architecture but in the military.

_Military, _he mused frustrated. It had been so long since the last time these thoughts entered his mind. The days passed so quickly in this strange land. He knew himself, if anything. He knew the situation. He wasn't a military man. He was, as others liked to call him when they thought he wouldn't hear about it, bookish. Cautious and fastidious, a kind of thinking that other soldiers would abhor to listen to, _and like even less to have for their own. _But Alexander knew how valuable this kind of thinking was. It loomed largely in his head too, though _Aristotle had to use some force to put it there, _Hephaistion thought smiling nostalgically.

His steps took him to the brand new gate. The iron nibs of the scary looking grid that prevented anyone from going in seemed even gloomier under the gray, dreary sky. The soil, dump and slippery, had a pitch black shade which made him want to kick it as he walked all over it to cast it out of his sight. He gave a sign to the guard with his head that he should raise the gate to let him in. He always had rather austere mannerisms. He knew that too. It was that very look on his face, as it had come back at him last night from inside his mirror, that had put him in thought. There was something wrong with this but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Something that concerned him very deeply, since, if anything, spotting the fly in the ointment was his rare and inauspicious gift . He could always figure out what was wrong, about things that all his kinsmen didn't give a damn about and thought them to be the duty of lesser men. That, as inenviable as it was, had been his talent. But now, he could not see what exactly was wrong with that picture.

He raised his eyes overlooking the palace up at the hill. By force of habit he looked immediately for Alexander's window. It wasn't lit. Hephaistion frowned perplexed. What had happened? A thought crossed his mind and he searched for the main hall windows. The lights were on there. He couldn't make out if there were people in at that distance but the situation was at once clear to him: bad news had had them all on their heels. Alexander's plans had gone awry.

His muscles tensed on the spot. His eyes widened in trenchant concentration. The next moment he was on his horse, racing in a blistering pace to the royal palace. A military council had started without him and Alexander was alone.

Amalgamated voices echoed from the grand hall. Hearing the officers shouting against each other, he pressed his lips and rolled his eyes in distaste. This was exactly the soldierly bravado that he hated with all his might. You couldn't even think with these uproars. So many times Alexander had told him to leave his anger at the door when he entered these gatherings, but whenever he tried to do that, a terrible defeat crushed his chest. _I'm drowning… _he thought to himself while pushing the heavy wooden door.

Five pairs of eyes turned at him when he went through the door. The old man, Antigonos and Leonnatos, and Koinos turned their heads for a moment but immediately redirected their attention to Krateros, who didn't give him a single glance. Hephaistion's friend, Perdiccas, gave him a warning look, which he only caught a glimpse of, as his own eyes went at once to Alexander's face, disregarding everything else. His King looked shocked, as if he was suffering a great pain the cause of which he couldn't understand. The wince in the King's face made Hephaistion's arteries constrict and color fled from his cheeks. His lover's eyes looked dead. What could have happened?

"You must not let this go on Alexander. Soldiers need to be disciplined. It is not their say whether we press ahead or not" shouted Krateros, hitting the table with his enormous fist.

_So that was it then, mutiny! Here, in uncharted territory! Now, three days from the battle with our enemies!_ Hephaistion crossed his hands behind his back, falling immediately deep in thought, and, with slow, absentminded steps, took a seat at Alexander's side, who was immobile as a rock. The signs had been there earlier, but what could have been done? This was a bad situation. Alexander could not abandon his plans and he could not succumb to the wishes of his troops. He now was too big a person in a throne too small for him. Hephaistion swallowed worryingly. A part of his mind wanted to put his hand on Alexander's cheek, to look him in the eye, and tell him silently this way, that against all odds, they would figure it out. He would figure it out. But the other part had already started racing, playing scenarios and patterns in his head. The river had to be crossed, in such a way that his enemy, King Porus, would not suspect a thing, especially since it was monsoon season and everybody thought it impossible to cross… without drowning, that is. But no one knew how to cross and now, at Alexander's most desperate hour, his soldiers wouldn't even bother listening to any solution. They had found the opportunity they'd been searching for since Persepolis. They were going to ditch him, or make him swallow his pride, _of which, _Hephaistion mused, _he has plenty._

"We should go back to Persepolis and punish the mutineers and take on new troops, reinforcements from the old country" continued Krateros, with confidence in his voice to make his words sound like a plea to reason. If Hephaistion could, he would have killed him right that moment. _Go back to Persepolis… new troops… the old country… _he heard Krateros' barely convoluted innuendo loud and clear. He saw how Alexander too raised his eyes to his _other favorite general, _putting his index finger on his lips. Krateros' feeble attempts at manipulation both amused and disgusted Hephaistion. _Idiot, _he thought, _as if! If you are going to try to be sly, at least do it right!_

Alexander tapped his finger to his lips and said "That, my friend, would be a great inconvenience. It would be very difficult to fight this battle with our troops in Persepolis and our enemy across the river."

Krateros' eyes popped right out. The message was clear: do not even think about going back! The edges of Hephaistion's lips turned slightly upwards and he cast his eyes on the ground. Krateros' had to be fantasizing about murdering him right now. He could not refuse that thought gave him a devious pleasure.

Hephaistion knew what had to be done, but he couldn't talk before Alexander. He looked at his King and found his eyes blazing with silent excitement: he had thought of a plan.

"We will stay here in the fortress for three more days…" he had started saying when he got interrupted by the furious grants and mumbles of Koinos and Krateros. Alexander felt the anger boiling his stomach. The cold, censorious look of his eyes killed their retort in its tracks. He let the silence in the room hang for a minute to mark in their minds the gravity of his words. Hephaistion couldn't take his eyes off of him. The thought struck him like a lightning bolt: they weren't happy! That was the look in the mirror he disdained to see. That was the hypocrisy carried out too far, that even they had forgotten what lay beneath it. Somewhere along the road Alexander and he had taken a wrong turn. The proof of it stood mightily before him: the darkest hour had reached them and, tragically, they were unfree to do anything about their disappointment. They could not admit it even to themselves. So many things in life they had neglected, so many things they had not lived. Of course Alexander didn't want to go back. There was nothing back for him, or Hephaistion. But now the dreadful thought put him through agonies, that neither was there something for them forth.

Krateros' unpleasant voice woke him out of his thoughts.

"But in the end" he started trying to sound nervine, "we still don't know how to cross the river. It seems more reasonable to come back in two months' time." Hephaistion felt the bile in his stomach rise up. He looked at Krateros with ferocity, his voice echoing with acrimony: "You do not see the flaw in that plan?" he asked him.

Krateros was so beyond fury that he nearly took his sword out to kill him. Hephaistion knew at once what was coming for him. His tall and slender figure would be shuttered by a beat from that monster. But he too stood up, even though Alexander was already giving him hellish looks, as he as well was obstinate to death and wouldn't back down if his life depended upon it, not even if everyone's life depended upon it. What sort of world was this anyway that right was called wrong and wrong called right? Koinos, Antigonos and Leonnatos pinned their eyes on Krateros and Perdiccas on Hephaistion. Alexander had his fists on the table and his head protruding amongst them to remind them who was the authority here. The two opponents stood there silent and tense, trying to murder one another with their looks. _If only that was possible, _thought Hephaistion with longing.

"We will wait here three days. The soldiers will get double the rations three times a day. On the fourth day, I will speak with them and there will be a fight!" said Alexander with a voice so commanding that everyone felt like cold water had fallen on their heads. Krateros gave a short, austere nod and left the room. The other generals approached Alexander, who had resumed his seat with his hands on the arms of his chair, and started talking to him about resources and guards. Hephaistion smiled rolling his eyes, as he walked out to the great balcony, like he had when he had walked in. _They didn't dare talk about crossing the river, _he thought.

* * *

There was a chilly breeze out now that the sun was set and the sky was overblown with dark and heavy clouds. In the distant forest that lay straight across their hill, thunders boomed down on the ancient trees. The sudden flashes made Hephaistion's lovely face look like a pale ghost. He looked at the granite bulwark and sighed.

In the misty air of that evening, he felt an unexpected calm. A realignment of faiths had occurred. The new conviction made the world seem bigger somehow. Less cold. All he could think of, was that joke Perdiccas had said last night and the intoxicating music those women had rolled about. Time seemed to have slowed down, here, in this ominous night, in this dreamy land.

Alexander saw Hephaistion through the silky curtains, leaning against the bulwark like he was gazing at the sky. He sent Koinos, Antigonos and Leonnatos off. They didn't have anything to say that could help him. He closed his papers, feeling more tired than ever, and went outside.

"Well you seem quite relaxed for a man who almost caused me an open conflict!" he said, brows raised and a saucy smirk on his face. Hephaistion was still looking at the horizon.

"I cannot help it when I'm listening to idiots" he answered so absentmindedly that it took his friend aback. Alexander frowned and shook his shoulder: "Are you listening?"

"Yes" he answered back, feeling quite tired.

"What's with you today?" insisted Alexander.

Hephaistion took a deep breath. He had that look in his face, that look that meant he knew something nobody else has figured out. "Something happened last night" he said.

Alexander anxiously beckoned him to go on.

"I woke up sweaty in the middle of the night, feeling like I was tied up and muzzled, like I couldn't breathe…" he started, never taking his eyes from the view. Alexander took a step closer to him and was just about to put his arm around him when his friend told him not to.

"I am better than I have ever been" he said. Alexander felt a not in his stomach. Hephaistion had never acted this way. There was a look in his face that he couldn't understand.

"So what happened?" he asked in a flutter.

"I woke up, and looked at the mirror. I saw a face I could not recognize Alexander. I looked so stern, so lifeless…" he said with the image of it still haunting him. "All these years, we have achieved so much, we have reached the end of the world…"

"Wait, stop. You were talking about the mirror…" Alexander interrupted him, extremely perplexed.

"That's what I am trying to explain. Alexander… I saw myself become a stranger to me. Little by little, every time I had to silence myself, every time I had to deny myself what I wanted, all this… intolerance…" his voice broke.

A look of blank astonishment shone through the King's face.

"What intolerance? Do you feel I have put restraints on you?" he asked trying to finally make eye contact with him.

"You restrain me? You are even more of a prisoner than I am!" Hephaistion retorted almost laughing.

Alexander turned red with fury, but before he could start yelling, Hephaistion put a finger on his lips.

"You said once to a beggar in a crock that if you weren't yourself, you would want to be him" said Hephaistion, looking him deeply in the eyes. Alexander nodded.

"Well, we spent all our lives trying to be Homeric heroes, Achilles, Patroclos. Then we grew up and we wised up. You conquered this vast empire, and we all followed you, eating each other's insides, wanting to be second to no one but you. And every night we drowned our lifelessness in the wine".

Alexander was looking at him in utter consternation. Hephaistion put his hand on his cheek. He didn't feel his friend respond.

"Alexander, now, in the culmination of your power, we are less free than we have ever been. We have disowned ourselves to be some fable, some unsubstantial shade, so voraciously looking to embody new magnitudes of perfection that the whole world would not be enough. You'd rich the falling edge and turn around and start all over again. Why?" he asked him trembling profoundly from deep inside him. "We've run so many miles, what are you looking for?"

Alexander took his hands and gently removed them from his face. If he had been crushed once when his men decided to abandon him that day, now he was devastated. The dreaded day had finally come: Hephaistion had seen through him. This was the end.

"Speak clearly, what do you mean?" he asked him, trying to master any strength he had left..

"You conquer the world to reach an elusive, non-existent ideal. Because you think that only then you'll be worth half a dime. Because you stand in the middle of an immeasurable crowd and you have not a single friend. No matter how many lands you occupy, that which pains you the most will never be changed!" he shouted at him in despair.

Hephaistion saw Alexander's whole body tremble with fury. His eyes were frighteningly popping out and his face had turned red. He himself was in no better state. _Please, my dear love, find it in you to listen to my words _he thought hopelessly. But right when he was about to touch his hands, Alexander steeply turned and went away, leaving Hephaistion with his hopes crushed and his heart full of dread.

* * *

Hephaistion dragged his steps to his room as if he was going to be executed. _Which might actually happen, _he mused bitterly. Inside every room he had ever owned he had always felt unsatisfied. As if he locked himself inside the four walls to protect his mind from the aching, numbing sensation that he really was avoiding to be happy. It had been months since the last time he had felt like that. He remembered Alexander's arms around him, his heartbeat against his own. _All this strife and only some fleeting moments of happiness…_

Suddenly his clothes weighed a million pounds and he threw them all across the floor. He dropped, face-down on his bed and couldn't help the tears. So futile was his wealth and power in the prison of his own mind. Nothing that was sincerely coming from inside of him had ever seen the light of day. A million protocols and rules, a million judging eyes followed him and Alexander everywhere. And he had so mindlessly accepted that, that now, even in that solitary room, in his most tremendous pain, they were right there with him

"Hephaistion?"

Not moving an inch from his place, Hephaistion used the sheet he had been clutching with his fists to wipe away his tears without raising his head from the bed.

"Hephaistion, are you all right?" Alexander came in and sat close to him. Already cursing himself for the embarrassment that was about to come, Hephaistion raised from the bed and sat next to his friend.

- I am fine, he said giving him the most convincing smile he could manage.

- What was that out there? Are you tired of marching? You can tell me.

- Did you not hear a word I said? he asked irritated.

- So, he sighed, you think that I am chasing a romantic dream.

It was obvious, that thought pained Alexander.

- No, what I meant was much more dreadful.

Alexander looked at him in shock again. This was getting worse and worse.

- Our only goal in life is to live up to these ridiculously flawless ideals and for that goal we have forsaken our own selves, as if they were unworthy to begin with, said Hephaistion frantically.

Alexander was now more terrified than ever.

- So you don't believe we should strive for the best? You don't think we should attempt excellence?

- And what about happiness Alexander? Why is excellence so worthy of sacrifice and happiness so loathed? And I challenge you, the greatest of all men, next time you give your comrades a speech before battle, dare to talk about happiness instead of honor and excellence and see if there will be one troop standing to fight with you!

Alexander couldn't believe his own ears. Were those nasty words coming from Hephaistion's lips? He knew what his lover meant to say. He had understood from the beginning. But the truth of those words was so unbearable to him that he asked to hear them again and again, hoping it was a nightmare and it would go away. A lethal devastation had fallen on him. His head was down and his shoulders hang low and when he opened his mouth to voice his thoughts only a sigh managed to come out.

"How can I do what you say Hephaistion? My aspirations give worth to my existence. You know all the truth about me. You were with me in the shrine in Egypt. You know the terrible burden I carry. You know every black and loathsome parts of me, and those are inside the Alexander who was born mortal, a bastard child, who had to fight for his breath in the bloody sheets. Here I can wash all of that out of me."

Alexander's confession made Hephaistion feel twice as much pain as he felt for himself. Because he thought about himself the exact same thing. But he couldn't let their lives be destroyed like that. No matter how far they conquered these things would never change. They would keep playing a charade in front of everyone and, much to his dread, eventually they would begin to play it with each other. _I cannot let that happen. I must be brave, I have to learn the lesson, I must right what's wrong. For him above all, _he thought and he approached Alexander's bent figure.

He put his arms around him and kissed his shoulder.

"I loved you before you were Alexander the Great. I loved you when you had Phillip killed. When you depopulated Thebes. When you crucified the Tyrians. There's no limit to the ways and the depths by which I have loved you. I have loved you with the hope of seeing one day something truly great that only you can make happen: freedom"

Alexander's eyes were red and glistening. His jaw trembled. Hephaistion's hands felt weightless around him. He deeply kissed him, feeling his heart beat like a thunderstorm, and as he lay on top of him, seeing once again that glorious light of happiness beam from his lovers face, the image of Atlas came to his mind. The awe-inspiring giant flashed a defiant smirk and left the stars hang, at long last, on their own.


End file.
